As I’ve gotten closer to the reality of life without a fixed direction, I’ve come to the realization that not only does that scare me, but it also drives me to find something to live for. Whether I place my faith in god or I find an alternative passion to place my mind in, I believe I need something so I can stay on track without the fear of dying into oblivion. As college creeps around the corner for me, I can’t help but think to myself what will I be doing in the future and how will I get there. As all of these fears and questions rattle around in my head, I have noticed an epiphany of sorts that has changed the way I think quite drastically.
I came to the conclusion that not only is there no purpose to living in fear, but most of all that it holds me back. So many times I have worried about the angst of life and what it may bring to me in the future, but what that unease has done for me is allow me to come to a new conclusion. That old found fear has garnered me a new found love for life. I’ve come to know that life isn’t about the fear and isn’t about whether I please my mother, father or my friends. What life is truly about, in my opinion, is living it out to the fullest of my ability while enjoying it as much as I can. If I worry about what grade I will get so I can get into a college, or what my friends will think of me if I act or dress a certain way, then I will truly not be living. I honestly and whole heartedly believe that what you put out into the world will always come back to you. So if I put forth an honest showing of myself while enjoying life with a positive outlook than all things will come to me in time. If I work hard in school without the worry of a grade then I believe that a good grade will come to me. If the act in the way I feel is right, then I believe that those who are truly meant to be my friends will rise above those who criticize me. This new found positivity has allowed me to have a re-focus and pay closer attention to what truly matters to me in life.
A new honest viewing of life didn’t only give me the opportunity to pursue my creative goals in a more passionate way, it also gave me multiple options in life in which I could pursue. Previously, I looked at life as boxes that needed to be checked, but now I perceive life as an open place where I can achieve anything as long as I have a passion for it, and for that, I am grateful to what I believe is the true meaning of life.